“If you want your mom to have a day filled with fun, look no further. New York’s hottest club is UHHNNNH. Located in the middle of the West Side Highway, this bi-curious beach party is the creation of Italian club owner Bologna Danza, and this place has everything: split kicks, pachucos, pile after pile of expired Lunchables, a Hawaiian cleaning lady that looks like Smokey Robinson…and look who just walked in, is that Natalie Portman? No, it’s an old Irish black man that we call Murphy Brown. Plus, if you come this Sunday you’ll meet two-year-old ultimate fighter Drooly Lips Jackson. He’s got fists like little empanadas and he is my best friend.”